The Facebook grave site

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chicagotribune.com
The Facebook grave site
By Elizabeth Weingarten
November 5, 2009

A friend called me with disturbing news a few weeks ago. A girl who went
to my high school, Miriam Frankl, a year younger than I am, had died a
few days earlier. She was the victim of a hit-and-run. My friend knew to
call me, she said, because she saw that Miriam and I were Facebook
friends.

I hadn't spoken to Miriam in four years. I wasn't really close friends
with her in high school, but I remember her face vividly. Creamy
complexion, dark brown hair, freckles, petite.

I sat there for a minute, listening to my friend tell me the horrible
details. The conversation ended and I went to Miriam's Facebook profile.
It was full of "Rest in Peace" messages and notes that said, "I love
you" and "I wish I had known you better."

The Facebook profile page of the deceased is one of the most eerie
byproducts of our digitized society. For most, Facebook is a superficial
tool meant for socialization, spreading the word and gathering support
for a cause. It's a playground and a rallying ground.

But when a friend dies, it becomes a portal, a way to connect with his
or her memory. For my generation, it feels natural. For most of us,
communicating through Facebook is as instinctive as talking.

But Facebook isn't the only digital footprint of the deceased. Twitter,
too, can remind us of a loss: Last spring, a recent graduate from my
college who had been in my sorority died in a car accident. Her last
tweet is chilling.

"On a 15-hour car ride to Atlanta," she wrote. "Looking forward to phone
time and catching up with people before heading out of the country."

Why leave a digital message for a friend after death?

It's a comfort, I think, for friends to return to what hasn't changed. A
Facebook page will remain on the Web forever. It won't grow old and it
won't disintegrate. Miriam's favorite TV show will stay as it is --
"Scrubs" -- as will her entry under the category "religious views" --
White Sox.

I knew another girl who died in a car accident when I was a senior in
high school. Her Facebook account is still there. Friends post every so
often, telling her about their lives, asking how she is.

Posting on a Facebook wall is one way my generation grieves for the
dead. It is a way to pay respects, to pretend that a friend who should
not be dead is still with us.

Elizabeth Weingarten is a senior in the Medill School of Journalism at
Northwestern University.

Copyright © 2009, Chicago Tribune
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