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Bush to Phase Out Environment by 2009

Bush to Phase Out Environment by 2009
Declares War on Prairie Dogs

President George W. Bush confirmed today that his gutting of the Endangered
Species Act is part of a broader plan to phase out the environment entirely
by the time he leaves office in January of 2009.

"In addition to cutting taxes, it has been the goal of this administration
to cut our wasteful, bloated environment," Mr. Bush said in a speech before
the Association of Indiscriminate Applauders in Washington, D.C.

In his speech, Mr. Bush added that the EPA would henceforth be renamed the
Environmental Prevention Agency.

The president said that by removing endangered species from the protected
list one by one, his administration has been able to phase out the
environment gradually "so that hardly anyone will notice it's missing."

But the president warned that "much work remains to be done" if the
environment is to be completely phased out by the first quarter of next year
and called for the accelerated extinction of all superfluous organisms by
the end of fiscal 2008.

"It is time for all Americans to take sides," Mr. Bush said.  "Are you with
us, or are you with the black-tailed prairie dog?"

Mr. Bush's plan also calls for a gradual reduction of air and water, with
water most likely to get the axe.

"If it comes down to choosing between air and water, the president will
probably scrap water," said Environmental Prevention Agency chief Stephen L.
Johnson. "After all, most Iraqis have been without water since 2003 and look
how well they're doing."

Elsewhere, after Pope Benedict XVI prayed for peace on Easter Sunday, Vice
President Dick Cheney requested equal time for war.

http://www.borowitzreport.com


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"Only when the last tree has died, the last river been poisoned and the last
fish been caught will we realize that we cannot eat money."

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