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You Might Be a Liberal If...

FROM TOWNHALL.COM

HEAD: 25 Reasons You Might Be a Liberal

LEAD: With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion
and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he
believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius
despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the
NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime
will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income
earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of
the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few
caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country
by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we
capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in
protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company
making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor,
basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see
nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white
applicants because of Affirmative Action.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents
per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest
cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of
gas.

* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq
and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard,
but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the
military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should
be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt
that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a
doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure
out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in
the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia
was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN
Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and
luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in
an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your
luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than
you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty
is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in
charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to
understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens
changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to
conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness
doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a
civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus
full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC,
ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or
Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave
you a dirty look because you're an American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance
and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word
"Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.
*************
Oooohhh, now gonna enjoy the blusterings from the followers of
Br-a-a-a-a-a-ck, The Magic Mulatto.

Face it, bozos, The Magic Mulatto just ain't a right fit to be President.
The boy just ain't got the fundamentals.

Dionysus

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