Re: continuance of vent

x-no-archive: yes

Phoebe,

not goin' below the spoiler since not gonna say anything about the
stuff under it.

We began with a reply to Baba Yaga in the "letting off some steam"
post.  We kinda did a miniature version of the stuff below tho not so
emotionally charged.  That's what we meant by "not being done". :)

Rainstar

On Aug 13, 6:23 pm, evian <ev...@asarian-host.net> wrote:
> X-No-Archive: Yes
>
> "Rainstar" <rains...@asarian-host.net> wrote in message
>
> news:1186976813.565761.118100@x35g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
>
>
> > ok... apparently somebody inside wasn't quite done... feel free to
> > ignore this as we know we haven't been here for some time now...
>
> > spoilering for r*ge, sw**ring self-h*tred, mention of si.. nothing
> > gr*phic, just mention.
>
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> > 2
> > 1
>
> > I WANNA BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> > And yeah, I've heard all the arguments tonight that normal is highly
> > overrated and doesn't exist... but dammit.. there is SOME semblance of
> > normal in the world.
>
> > Adults don't GENERALLY sleep in a twin bed that's halfway full of
> > stuffies.  SERIOUSLY, half full.  We sleep on half the bed cuz the
> > other half is all stuffies.
>
> > I'M TIRED OF IT!!!  I DON'T WANT THEM THERE!!!  But we try to weed
> > them out a bit.. not to totally get rid of even, just to put away and
> > it's just not ok with the little ones.. so we have to leave them.
> > Changing the sheets is a MAJOR chore because there's so many goddamn
> > stuffies to take off the bed and then put back on.  ARGH!!! I WANT
> > THEM GONE!!!!  I can handle two or three.. or maybe even 10.. but for
> > god's sake there must be 30 or more stuffies on that bed!
>
> > Adults can GENERALLY go to things like bachelorette parties without
> > being triggered like crazy at the sex-related items that are there...
> > and while my future sis-in-law is one of my closest friends and one of
> > the few friends who actually somewhat understands things.. I'm afraid
> > she'll feel hurt if I'm not there... I am a bridesmaid after all.  I'm
> > TIRED of being triggered so easily by those types of things and not
> > being able to go out and have fun with friends.  And these are people
> > who are actually fairly tame and reserved.. but I'm still afraid we'll
> > be triggered by something. *sighs*
>
> > Adults can GENERALLY watch things that trigger the fuck outta me.  My
> > dad was watching a movie on tv tonight about the CIA and there was a
> > scene in which someone was being hurt... and they weren't even showing
> > it.. but you heard the screaming.. and we couldn't take it.  Tried
> > saying something to the effect of "do we HAVE to watch this?" but he
> > was too into the movie and didn't hear us.. we had to leave the room..
> > which made him upset cuz he woulda changed it if he'd heard us.. but
> > it was hard enough for the little ones to say something once... to
> > repeat it was asking too much from them.
>
> > yeah.. there's some who are more wimpy than others at movies n stuff..
> > but still... not to the degree we are.
>
> > I'm TIRED of having to ask people to change channels or plans or to
> > not watch a certain movie because it triggers the fuck outta me and
> > gives me nightmares.
>
> > I WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!  I DON'T WANT TO BE MULTIPLE ANYMORE!
>
> > I hate myself *SO* much and wanna hurt myself.. wanna cut..  I
> > haven't.. don't plan to.. but I want to... god I want to...
>
> > the logical parts know that a lot of this is cuz we're in between
> > therapists... tryin' to find a new one... actually working at it now..
> > last saw a therapist in October 2006.  haven't seen one since...
> > haven't really tried very hard to find one until the last 3-4 weeks.
> > got an appt with a potential on thursday... not real sure tho... she's
> > got experience with d.i.d. which is a plus... but.. i don't know..
> > something in her voice when we talked over the phone.. just not sure.
> > gonna meet in person tho for one session n see..
>
> > We feel like we're gonna spend the rest of our lives feeling like a
> > little kid trapped in a big body... and we hate it... we HATE it...
> > and most of us don't see the point in living a life like that... what
> > can we possibly accomplish?  How can we ever take care of ourselves?
> > We'd need a roommate if we didn't live at home and there's no one who
> > lives here who we'd trust enough to live with...
>
> > We're not in danger of hurting ourselves or anything like that.. but..
> > *sighs* we wish we'd never been born in the first place...
>
> > *sighs* I think maybe we're done now... gone from rage to
> > depression...
>
> > thanks for readin' if you got this far...
>
> > rainstar
>
> Hi, and yes I got this far :) At the start you said 'apparently somebody
> inside wasn't quite done' - sounded to me like there was another post
> already posted that I didn't get, but then it seems like something else was
> meant instead. I don't mean to pry, was just wondering what was meant by it.
> Don't have anything constructive to add, but have read it and am listening
> as much as that helps.
>
> - Pheobe.
>
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