Re: need to know please

Dear Astri,
Please excuse me because my writing, I mean my typing went bad when I
got in a hurry to finish.   I did not mean to be disrespectful.  And also I
want to make sure that everybody gets it that I know that all of the letters
to the newsgroup are to everyone in the newsgroup and even in the whole wide
world.  I just start with "Dear Somebody or other because I'm going to focus
the letter on some stuff that somebody already said in another letter.  If I
just made up a whole new one then it wouldn't have any rules. There wouldn't
be guidelines about how to write it at all, except for all of the general
kinds of stuff for writing letters.
That might be extra hard though.  I'm not really like an anarchist.  I
do not want to drive a car in a city without good street lights that always
work and work the way that they are supposed to work.  And also I think that
some people always try to get over on some other people and would be even
more able to do that if there weren't any laws than if there was.
What I wanted to say about the names calling stuff is that it is
different to say "Hey you, Stupid," than to call something or some ideas or
some ways of acting or something that somebody says or might be saying or
that kind of thing stupid.  Anyway I didn't call anybody the name of
"Stupid."  I said that the stuff that you and Miss Yaga did and were doing
was stupid stuff and it was a stupid way to be.  I think that it could of
got mixed up in your head because I just said the word "stupid" without
surrounding it by a whole sentence.  I know that that's a stupid way to
write, (see what I mean?) that would never get any good grades but still
it's just easier to do it that way sometimes.  And also it seems more like
talking.  A lot of ways that this newsgroup works is more like talking even
though the words are in writing.  So I bet that sometimes you see something
happen when you drive a car and you shake your head and you say, "stupid,"
or maybe a bad word, but you aren't calling anybody that word.  You just
mutter it.  And you just mean that speeding up at a yellow light is stupid
or that talking on the phone and holding the phone up with a hand instead of
a ear thing is stupid.  Maybe you went to a basketball game and you see that
your team forgets to do anything for defense over and over again and you
look at your buddy who came with you and you both just shake your heads and
say "stupid."
But this one of mine was more like you seeing me in the outfield in a
baseball game and a fly ball is coming straight at me but I'm just standing
there with my hands down, humming something and hitting my bare fist into
the middle of my glove while I watch some pigeons play and fly around like
they're dancing against a pretty sunset that's got every single color in the
world going on in the sky, but the ball is coming at me from the other
direction and I seem like I totally forget that I'm playing the game and
that I can stop the grand slam that's going to make the other team win by
one run right then, at the tail end of the ninth inning when they already
have 2 outs, and then you holler at me from the bleachers, "Stupid. Stupid.
Stupid."
But you aren't calling to me.  I mean that you aren't; using that word
for my name.  You're just saying that what's happening is stupid, that what
I'm doing is stupid.  And I get that.  I don't think that you are calling me
"Stupid."  I think that you're saying that I'm acting stupidly.  But even if
that feels a little bad at least I get out of my daydream kind of way of
acting and I look up in time and then at the last minute I get my arm up in
the air with my gloved hand  straight up there and I step just a little bit
to the side at the last moment and then I feel the ball go thwump into the
center of my glove and my hand fold around it and I get my other hand right
over the ball and I stand steady even though I felt the force of the ball.
And I grab that ball and I throw it to the catcher and I know that I just
won the game.  I am not going to  say to you, "astri, please stop calling
people names."
I mean, hell, then that would be stupid, don't you think, never mind any
kind of celebration with ice cream and hot fudge and lots of whipped cream
that curls up at the top, right?  I should look up at you and holler back,
"Thank You!" wile the rest of my team runs to me and almost dog piles me but
everybody stands up all the time.  Some players jump up on me and hug me
with their legs and arms, too, but I don't fall over.  I don't worry about
being stupid either.  I mean the pigeons were really pretty with all of
their dives and soars and twists and turns against  the backdrop of all of
that exquisite color that I can't even forget with all of the excitement of
having just won a very tight game at the last minute, but I know that I
stopped being stupid.  You helped me do it.
I can get carried away.
I, (Trill!,) designed a course once that was half a literature-history
class and half a creative writing workshop.  It is called "The Urban Press
and Baseball: History of the City in the U.S. A."  So it is all about how
baseball and cities and newspapers all grew up together while the U.S. A.
got industrialized.  Baseball is the metaphor for everything and not just
the game.  But it's also all about the evolution of the ball field.  And
then how the park service developed from that and urban engineers observing
how factory workers who lived in tenements and worked inside in mostly dark
and lots of times window-less giant rooms full of machines loved feeling
like we could break out into the outdoors so that the idea of going through
the massive gates that the old time kind of fields that are getting built
again in sort of a nostalgia about all of that, so that it looks like your
going to walk through a doorway in a huge wall and be inside a big building,
but when you get on the other side the giant sky is framed by rooftops and
smock stacks from all of the factories, but it's the big, open, blue sky.
You've made to the outdoors.  Then your team takes on everything that the
challenger throws at it while it keeps on protecting "home" or
"_home_base."
And it runs out from home to get the rest of the stuff that it needs to be
able to get back home again, just like when you have to go to work and do
errands and get back home again, "safe," and as fast as you can, without
getting knocked out.
So we read short stories, novels, and poems about baseball and baseball
history books and researched old newspapers for both good sports writing,
which you maybe noticed can get real flowery and at least or at times it is
very creative.  And we read a couple short books, not like those giant
"text" books, but sort of dramatic sort of documentaries about industry and
banking and architecture and immigration and migration and we watched a few
baseball movies.  The students had to write a couple of essays for a
take-home exam for the 1st half of the semester.  Then, from the beginning
to the end they had to keep a daily journal of stuff that was pertinent to
the course, plus write a poem every day that relies mainly on a romantic,
baseball metaphor, or, if a simile was strong enough that could pass, too.
And the final project was a group of at least 9 poems, or some contract with
the professor, that's me, of course <wink wink> about a poetry assignment,
or a short story or chapter of a novel of at least 9 pages.  Well, really if
the student wrote more than the 9 poems or longer than the 9 pages he or she
had to get permission ahead of time from the professor because it's a lot of
work to read all of that stuff to grade it.  It was a very popular course of
course.  <ha ha>  Everybody loves baseball.  Plus it wasn't "just" history
of "just" a lit or writing class.  Also students could use it to satisfy a
whole bunch of core credits from diversity to history to women's studies to
American studies, maybe some stuff I can't remember.  Oh, yeah, of course,
humanities!  And film studies, media,or journalism credits could be earned
with it, too.  The administrators love undergrad courses like that because
it's mainly a science and business and technology oriented university, so
they want all of their humanities courses to fill out all the national
standards needed to graduate.  Something that is attractive to students and
that also meets all of those needs seems to them like a great idea.
Meanwhile, well you can see all of the actually important stuff that got
taught in that one course, huh?!
Anyway, I don't think it's a good idea to call me  Joey.  It might
create lots of confusion.  And also, it sounds like you are being the
groan-up who corrects the kid when you say, "joey, please stop calling
people names."  I think that, anyway.  Would you say, "Trill, please stop
calling people names."?  Or maybe you would say something like, "shoot, it's
so dang rude of you to keep on calling me stupid."  I don't know for sure,
but I think that people talk differently to kids than they do to each other
as adults.  And I am supposed to be all Trill now.  They said over and over
again stuff like this:  "You do know that if we cut off your head a whole
bunch of little people would not come climbing out and introduce themselves
with those voices that you made up for all of those names, right?  You do
know that you are just one person, don't you?"
I don't want to get in any trouble.  I don't want to go back to that
weird school or to any more hospitals for crazy people.  I don't even like
visiting "Ts" once or twice a week.  I've gone to 5 different ones ever
since that guy with the dead son.  I just don't like them.  every single one
of them believes that he or she is the only person who has all of the
answers.
I think that I typed too much because, for one thing my fingers hurt,
but also I feel real sleepy and it is 4 a.m. and I have to go to the dentist
by ten.  But I didn't get to answering some other things that I read and
wanted to write about.  And I still did not do enough to catch up with
people and what's been going on with some other people.  But I am glad to be
able to relax my guard about how I talk all of the time and stuff like how I
sit or stand or eat.  You know what I mean?  And also, I got all excited
about describing that class and the idea that you and Miss Yaga  seemed like
you started to stop getting mad all of the time.  But I still want to talk
about all of that some more and the bit about how I have to be, oh, I don't
know if I should say "Joey," or maybe I should say, "Not Trill."  A
lot of
stuff is confusing.  Not just  what I can say or should say, but a lot of
stuff about the whole thing on who gets to be angry at who and how.
I saved out some other things that you and Baba Yaga wrote so I can  try
to make some kind of response to them next time.  I got to go and walk
Potato, then go to sleep some.  I have to get some antibiotics before the
dentist and in time to take them for the dentist.  One of the drugs I got to
take because of MS made my saliva change and my mouth got a whole bunch of
weird sores in it and my teeth started rotting.  So, before that I never had
another cavity in my life and this body,, or I guess I am 53 yrs.  I thought
I could make to death without cavities.  Yuck.  I've never had a filling and
I'm scared, really.  I even need to get some false teeth called "implants"
cause when the surgeons did the thing on my heart they also knocked out a
tooth by accident because they are bad and stupid doctors.  Like I wasn't
dying and I didn't need the operation.
I better not talk about it.
I already feel like a Jack-In-the-Box who started yapping when I got
sprung and never stopped.
So, that's all for now and I'm glad that you& everybody else seems like
maybe all of the angry stuff will stop.  And same for me, too.


"astri" <invalid@example.com> wrote in message
news:Pine.BSI.4.64.0709121732340.15007@malasada.lava.net...
> On Wed, 12 Sep 2007, trill wrote:
>
>> Oh, I'm sorry that I sent a part letter.  I hit the send by accident.
>> I'll wrtie the whole thing later, but since I sent that now I want to say
>> one more thing: I am not calling anybody any names and I don't know why
>> anybody like you says that.  It seems stupid to say it and like somebody
>> is playing a game to try and make me look like I'm a mean person.  And
>
> i'll explain.  calling somebody "stupid" like in the part you wrote that
i
> quoted below is what i consider calling somebody names.  that's what i was
> and am talking about.  i asked politely that you not do that.
>
>> I'll talk about it when the t.v. shows are over.  I don't want to be
>> rude,
>> but since it is letter writing and now real time talking it seems o.k. to
>> me.  If this makes you mad or angry or both or another bad feeling,
>> please
>> sya so in the beginning and ask me nicely what it is and why you want me
>> to do it differently Then I can think about it without feeling like
>> somebody says to me that I'm bad and if I want to be called "good" I
have
>> to do stuff her way, or his way.  I always hated that.  And that is what
>> was part of the worst thing for the little girl way back in the beginning
>> anyway.
>>
>> so, gooduy for now without anything mean being behind that I'm doing this
>> no matter what anybody else say about it.  And that is all and everything
>> I need to know about it for me right now.  And it dowsent mean I don't
>> care about you, even if I'm feeling way too mixed up about all fo it
>> right
>> now.
>>
>> But I can't sign.  And I think that you have the same rule, right, astri,
>> because you are always astri even when your words come out in a different
>> voice, right?
>
> no, we don't have the same rule.  when keiki writes, she signs her own
> way.
> neither of the others seem to have any desire to write.  you have been
> hearing different voices from me/us because we (astri) kind of split a bit
> more not to long ago, but not totally.  so we have a couple of different
> modes -- hyperfunctional astri (which i am right now) and melty/anxious
> astri.  but it's still astri.  the modes touch, but we're not sure if
> they're blending any at times.  we were afraid the modes weren't blending
> at
> all ever, but maybe sometimes we do.  not really sure.  this is pretty new
> right now.
>
> -- astri
>
>  =====================
>  to email send to astri
>  =====================
>      at volcano dot org
>  =====================
>
>
>> "astri" <invalid@example.com> wrote in message
>> news:Pine.BSI.4.64.0709121505290.11815@malasada.lava.net...
>>> On Wed, 12 Sep 2007, trill wrote:
>>>
>>>> Stupid.  Trill said sorry a long time ago and was very sincere and
>>>> talked
>>>> about her mistake.  maybe you didnt read it.  Maybe you are just
>>>> stiupid
>>>> and all of your big fancy smart talk is to cover that up, but why do
>>>> you
>>>> want to be mean and angry all over again?  I think it is because you
>>>> are
>>>> stupid.
>>> [...]
>>>> Nobody can figure out what you mean with the baby talk.  It's stupid.
>>>> You
>>>> should say things that other people can understand or else be quiet,
>>>> Mr.
>>>> et al.
>>>
>>> joey, please stop calling people names.
>>>
>>> -- astri
>>>
>>>  =====================
>>>  to email send to astri
>>>  =====================
>>>      at volcano dot org
>>>  =====================
>>
>>
>>
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A (13.09.2007 19:11)