Re: iatrogenic creation of did

Juniper <juniper@asarian-intl.org> writes:

> Spoiler for hard stuff and talking about the content of a T session, and
> body responses to going back and trying to find out what happened.
>
> It's down below, off this screen.

Ick.

I am a little bothered when things like that happen, but they don't
happen too often. But I just wanted to say how someone else here is
*really* bothered by a few specific triggers like that.

jp

P.S. sorry for interrupting.

> In article <1192136867.730646.187700@19g2000hsx.googlegroups.com>,
> Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butterfly@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>> On Oct 11, 7:44 am, Juniper <juni...@asarian-intl.org> wrote:
>> > In article <1192049764.709163.275...@r29g2000hsg.googlegroups.com>,
>> >
>> > semiopen <former_schiz...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> > > p.s. "iatrogenic" could have made a nice science fiction
word. "Dr.
>> > > Who and the iatrogenic androids." Oh well, another potentially
good
>> > > word wasted.
>> >
>> > IMO, this is a much better use for the word.
>> >
>> > I find the idea expressed in the subject to be slightly triggersome,
>> > since right now I'm going through some "I must be making this
up" stuff.
>> > My therp says, why would I do that? When I say, for attention and
>> > sympathy, he says, but don't you get that here anyway? Why would I pay
>> > the high cost that he could see approaching this stuff makes me pay?
>> >
>> > Juniper, not DID but had an exhausting time in therapy last night
>>
>> arrgh. sounds rough. the other night, an alter just decided, in a
>> flash, that none of the trauma had happened. later, other
>> personalities were really struggling, including that one. they stopped
>> struggling so hard when an alter stepped in and said, "It happened."
>>
>> On another note:
>> If you're looking for attention and sympathy, then why don't you
>> attempt to elicit more of it here? I can't think of ever seeing a "woe
>> is me" post posted by you.
>
> *clears throat* Um... Woe is I. Uh, I'm woe? No, I'm Juniper. Ahem.
> I am woeful. Woeful me! Oh, woeful me!
>
> Nah. I can't feel woeful when I went swimming tonight. ;-)
>
> Yeah, but last night I wrapped myself up tight in my arms and scrunched
> myself up on his sofa with my eyes tight shut and jumped as waves of
> anxiety ran through me and invisible anonymous hands reached out in my
> mind to grab me. But I didn't know why that was happening, I mean whose
> hands, how old I was, what the hands would do after they grabbed me by
> my upper arms. And it mattered so much to me that W. was with me,
> speaking quietly and calmly and telling me that even if I didn't know
> what was going on, he thought it was entirely reasonable to ask me to
> show him anyway. Even if I didn't know, I knew, he said. And he was
> right, because I hadn't known about the being grabbed by the upper arms
> before. Before it was just "hands coming out of the air."
>
> After the session ended, I left, feeling rather shaken, and as usual
> went into the bathroom before I left. And I found out my body had gone
> through the changes it goes through when it's getting ready for s*x. I
> hadn't felt sexy feelings from there, but it had physiologically
> prepared. That feels so icky, because I was scared in W's office, not
> talking about something sexy or admiring his lovely shoulders or being
> jealous of his partner, or anything that should have said "get ready for
> possible sex" to my body. I'd been talking about hiding and being
> grabbed and pulled from my hiding place and about the possibility that
> my feeling very uncomfortable with anything touching my throat might
> have come from being grabbed by the clothes around my throat and held
> and used, my mouth used. Not my other bits, my mouth. So why were my
> other bits doing their prep work? Shit. I have to write W a note to
> tell him about that, because this was after the session.
>
> Yeah, some of me is woe, but it seems so unlikely. I must be making it
> up. But I've gone to extraordinary lengths if I am making it up -- 18
> years without a romantic relationship, strong feelings of needing to
> keep others away, panic when someone steps inside my personal space,
> feeling safer with animals than with people. If I'm making it up, why
> didn't I make up something easier, like being a happy person whom others
> like to be around? That would have been a much bigger winner in the
> pay-off department than the deception I'm trying to say I opted for.
> Shit.
>
> I need to eat my dinner and watch a little TV before bed. I think I'll
> print this off and send it to him instead of writing out a separate note.
>
>> If you're looking for attention and sympathy, then wouldn't you want
>> to exaggerate your condition more by pretending to be a full-blown
>> multiple, perhaps with some terrible medical conditions to accompany
>> it? (And a car that broke down, and a sick animal, and and and and
>> and....)
>
> Hmmm... there's a country music song in here somewhere.
>
>> If you're looking for attention and sympathy, wouldn't this show up in
>> the rest of your life and wouldn't loved ones notice it?
>
> I'm hearing echoes of "she's a little dramatist" from my childhood.
>
> The thing is, I do look for attention and sympathy in other parts of my
> life. Except I'm not sure how much the people around me recognize it.
> Sometimes I feel like I'm dripping neediness, but often in retrospect I
> realize that the world outside my head never got the message.
>
>> So there!!!!! *sticks tongue out*
>
> :-)
>
> I'm glad you're my friend. You're a good friend.
>
>> (these are the questions i need to be asked when i'm in the place of
>> denial)
>
> It's hard not to be in denial when you don't really know what you'd be
> in denial about. What I know I know doesn't seem to be enough. Well,
> I'll try to find ways to let myself communicate about what I don't know
> I know.
>
> That's all for now about *that*!
>
> Juniper
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Juniper (12.10.2007 16:02)