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Re: pondering about upbringing

Hi Jill,

> >>> In childhood I was taught my needs NEVER mattered. It was always
> >>> about someone else and never about me. I had years and years and
> >>> years of t'py and practice to get past this and learn that I have to
> >>> put my needs first
>

I think, somehow, although I doubt I could explain it, that the needs
you had as a child and having to take care of the needs of your
children are different in a significant enough way that to compare
them is hard.

But it doesn't matter because you are feeling like you got the short
end of the stick as a child and obviously you did.  Those are big, big
feelings--even years and maybe decades later.

Being a parent is hard work if you do it right.  The thing is that if
you do your parenting job well, you end up putting yourself out of the
job because you have taught your children all they need to know to be
productive, functioning members of society.  And I have to tell you
Jill, that that s*cks, too.  My boys are almost 19.  In May they came
home from their first year of college and two weeks ago they moved out
into their first apartment.  I was always ready for them to move on to
the next stage--whatever it was--no more bottles, no more diapers,
school, etc.  I counted the years until they were "legal age".  Now, I
have never felt so alone and lost.  I want them back.  I want to do
things for them and with them.  But I did my job well (had a lot of
help, too, from various family members) and they have spread their
wings and flown away.....

Anyway, I do feel for you.  I stayed at home full time for many, many
years.  It was rewarding and boring and fantastic and frustrating.  I
loved it and I hated it.  I wanted it to end and now I want it
back............

Maybe you can explain your needs to your children and ask them to help
you find ways to have an hour to yourself or a half-day to yourself.
You'd be surprised at some of the ideas they will probably come up
with.

Fwiw....
Take good care,

Domino

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