Re: vent

On Sep 9, 2:24 pm, cometz <comet...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Sep 8, 8:33 pm, Emerging Butterfly <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Sep 6, 10:16 am, cometz <comet...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > On Sep 5, 6:41 pm, Emerging Butterfly
<emerging.butter...@hotmail.c
om>
> > > wrote:
>
> > > > This community I live in.....Sometimes I just want out.
>
> > > > There is lots of kind of "behavioral modification"
overtones to a l
ot
> > > > of the counseling. Behavior modification of this sort has never wor
ked
> > > > for me in a truly therapeutic way. In childhood, i learned to modif
y
> > > > my behavior, to be "good". But it came at an incredibly
high
> > > > cost...losing myself, my real feelings....dissociating so other alt
ers
> > > > in me could hold scary feelings without my awareness. So for me, th
is
> > > > sense of a "be good, do your chores, keep your room clean, keep
a
> > > > structure"....well, when i'm "GOOD", i'm mostly
highly modulated an
d
> > > > deeply enraged inside. Even when I'm NOT "good".....the
rage inside
,
> > > > the modulation on the outside....i feel defensive. i don't want to
> > > > explain why i'm struggling. i don't feel like it matters. it feels
> > > > like "straighten up and fly right", so i withdraw
emotionally.
> > > > on the up side, there are great relationships at the house...a few
> > > > anyway. i've learned how to cook for large groups of people, learne
d
> > > > that my perceptions tend to be valued and valid in terms of other
> > > > people and possible motivations....but i've gotten that validation
> > > > almost everywhere i've been. the "high-functioning me",
people seem
to
> > > > like.
> > > > there's some stuff about getting in more touch with my emotions, wh
ich
> > > > is good.
> > > > but....i just.....it's too scary. it's too regulated.
> > > > i think i'll put in my 30 day notice and find an apartment to live 
in
> > > > (IN DENVER, THOUGH)!:)
> > > > Yes. I'm leaving the community.
>
> > > think you are running away from issues.
>
> > Yes.
>
> >  think you are running back
>
> > > into old scripts.
>
> > Okay.
>
> >  maybe running away feels like statement of strength.
>
> > Yes. In the past, I've stayed in bad situations (like with that
> > therapist) for far too long. michaela minimizes issues very easily,
> > and then someone else inside runs, finally, in desperation. we'd
> > rather leave before michaela gets too panicked (she's not that strong
> > - we don't know if she can really handle this.)
>
> > > don't know. we do running away also. has never been a run toward
> > > health. always a run toward "feeling" safe, but never ended up
being
> > > smart or safe.
>
> > Hmm. Yes, i think we can probably identify.
>
> >  just a run toward chaos. think you are making mistake.
>
> > > think you should talk about the way you feel about the rules and the
> > > "good girl" stuff and deal with it, not run from it.
>
> > okay.
>
> > > sorry to be blunt.
>
> > Betsy, one thing I both struggle with and really value about you is
> > your bluntness. Thank you very much for giving it to me straight. Your
> > input matters to me. I just have to work on not feeling too ashamed
> > when you point things out. You wouldn't say unless you cared, right?
> > maybe you think there's hope for us? maybe if we don't run....will you
> > think you're brave?
> > (we want  you to think we're brave, to like us.)
>
> > > us- Hide quoted text -
>
> > > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> oh. yes. you are brave. we think so. we like you. you work hard to be
> whole person. we respect that. falling down is part of the journey. we
> got lots of banged knees, psychic and otherwise, to bear witness to
> the falling down parts.
>
> betsy and others- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

thanks. thought you didn't like us for awhile. thank you.
we like you too.
all of you.
[ Auf dieses Posting antworten ]