Re: vent

On Sep 8, 11:37 pm, "confused" <nospamsometimesknownas...@gmail.com>
wrote:
> Emerging Butterfly wrote:
> > On Sep 6, 10:16 am, cometz <comet...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> On Sep 5, 6:41 pm, Emerging Butterfly
> >> <emerging.butter...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> >>> This community I live in.....Sometimes I just want out.
>
> >>> There is lots of kind of "behavioral modification" overtones
to a
> >>> lot of the counseling. Behavior modification of this sort has never
> >>> worked for me in a truly therapeutic way. In childhood, i learned
> >>> to modify my behavior, to be "good". But it came at an
incredibly
> >>> high cost...losing myself, my real feelings....dissociating so
> >>> other alters in me could hold scary feelings without my awareness.
> >>> So for me, this sense of a "be good, do your chores, keep your
room
> >>> clean, keep a structure"....well, when i'm "GOOD", i'm
mostly
> >>> highly modulated and deeply enraged inside. Even when I'm NOT
> >>> "good".....the rage inside, the modulation on the
outside....i feel
> >>> defensive. i don't want to explain why i'm struggling. i don't feel
> >>> like it matters. it feels like "straighten up and fly
right", so i
> >>> withdraw emotionally.
> >>> on the up side, there are great relationships at the house...a few
> >>> anyway. i've learned how to cook for large groups of people, learned
> >>> that my perceptions tend to be valued and valid in terms of other
> >>> people and possible motivations....but i've gotten that validation
> >>> almost everywhere i've been. the "high-functioning me",
people seem
> >>> to like.
> >>> there's some stuff about getting in more touch with my emotions,
> >>> which is good.
> >>> but....i just.....it's too scary. it's too regulated.
> >>> i think i'll put in my 30 day notice and find an apartment to live
> >>> in (IN DENVER, THOUGH)!:)
> >>> Yes. I'm leaving the community.
>
> >> think you are running away from issues.
>
> > Yes.
>
> >  think you are running back
> >> into old scripts.
>
> > Okay.
>
> >  maybe running away feels like statement of strength.
>
> umm... don't think it's usually a statement of strength
>
> > Yes. In the past, I've stayed in bad situations (like with that
> > therapist) for far too long. michaela minimizes issues very easily,
> > and then someone else inside runs, finally, in desperation. we'd
> > rather leave before michaela gets too panicked (she's not that strong
> > - we don't know if she can really handle this.)
>
> ok. understand this, but that's the same as people who destroy
> friendships/relationships, because they believe it will turn out bad anyw
ay.
> it means that you destroy a lot of good stuff along with the potential ba
d

not in this case....there are a couple good friendships there that i
don't intend to sabotage, but this is about getting away from an
environment that just doesn't work for me.

>
> --
> "wolfie" of confused- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
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