Re: Roller Coaster Life

On Jul 4, 10:30 am, Jo in Ok <josi...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> On Jul 3, 11:43 am, Liliana <xen...@rogers.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > When people say their life is like a roller coaster, we think of
> > extreme highs and extreme lows.  With grieving the loss of a child th
e
> > highs are really missing.  Metaphorically the highs are a relief or a
n
> > absence of pain for a while. Since I lost my son , the days are black
> > and white and merge one into the other.  I try wth all my might to
> > experience some joy, in a sunset or a good book.  I try with all my
> > might to re-capture who I was, but I fail.  I can't even come close.
> > I try to remember who I was before I had children, and think maybe I
> > can go back there, and remember me as a little girl or a teenager who
> > had so much fun, and woke up each morning with such joy and
> > possibilites.  I try this mostly at night when I can't sleep.  Who 
am
> > I?
> > I look at pictures of before, and my eyes are bright and shiny, my
> > smile genuine, a soul that lived in paradise.
> > You can tell now in the pictures, the smile is forced, the eyes are
> > dull.  All an act.
> > I walk the familiar streets where I raised my children for over 30
> > years.  I am the mother who lost a son. There she is, walking her dog
> > poor woman.  I wonder how she copes......if it were me....  I don't
> > know what I would do? I feel the voices in my head, I see the look of
> > pity.  I am marked.
> > How can anyone have any real "fun" with a mother who has lost a
> > child.   The words are guarded, the excitement is tempered.
> > At the beginning friends would talk little of their own children.  No
w
> > I hear about their upcoming weddings, their new jobs, how great they
> > are doing, all the little family intimacies, and blissful family
> > gatherings that I remember having.
> > I don't fit in anymore, not really.  I am the mother who has lost a
> > child.  See..... there she is... that poor woman... how does she cope
.
>
> .........................................................................
...................................
>   (((((hugs))))) just wanted to say hi and send some hugs for you or
> anyone else needing them....I have a few people that I guess you could
> say pity me
> or feel sorry for me...one lady just had an older senior age father
> die and yet
> she feels losing a child is way worse...I think us parents' just will
> never be the
> same anymore-never be "normal" or free,happy go lucky...when we
> remember
> our beloved child that has died before us, it brings pain and
> bewilderment.
>   I also liked what Daniel said ,"
> They have forgotten that you have not forgotten.  They cannot
> remember
> that you cannot forget."
>  We can't forget nor should we. We are here to keep the memories
> "alive"
> that our child did exist and he or she was this or that way...lovely
> kids,silly
> kids, and loved alot, meant alot and always missed
> alot....Jo...Wally's mom- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Jo,
Time for us, and time for others is two different things, isn\t it.  I
see movies now from 1998, and remember that James also saw that movie,
and look how different the movies are now I think.  David Letterman is
still on T.V.   and Oh how we both loved to watch him.  James would
say he looked like a little Gremlin... and I watch Letterman still
there getting older.  Your Wally, my James, walked this earth, and now
people rarely mention my son.  Our remembering is in our bones, in our
souls.
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