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About my sister

Hello or actually hello again. I'm Bev, I was involved in this group
quite some time ago. I had lost my dad to lung cancer and two years
later my partner to ovarian cancer. Dad's been gone since Jan 2nd
1999. We had driven three hours,Gayle and I, to go care for dad and
mom every weekend at first, but when dad took a turn for the worse we
basically took leave of our jobs and moved in with them. After dad
died, we went back home to our jobs, I quit within a week of being
back, losing my dad was the first loss I ever experienced like this.
Almost one year to the day dad died we found out Gayle had ovarian
cancer, I watched hopelessly as she struggled to fight her cancer. I
worked as much as I could, I often just lived in the hospital room and
went to work on her better days.We lost our home, and depended on
friends and family for shelter. For a year she fought to live, we lost
each other Feb. 3rd 2001.  All through these losses a dark cloud of
continuous grief has shadowed my existence. My mother nearly died last
year. She has been a very sick woman even before dad got sick. We
moved her to my sisters in Texas after dad died. Last year, I went to
Texas to help my sister with mom, she had been really sick and the
doctors came up with a diagnosis of a rare blood disorder called
castlemans disease. The treatment of large doses of prednisone and
oral chemotherapy drugs filled her with water. We were told she was
dying and we were convinced she needed to go inpatient at the hospice.
Mom was doped up with ativan and morphine at the hospice. Soon after
they had her in a comatose state. When the nurse came in the next day
she said they were going to stop all of moms meds. I insisted they
stop drugging her unconscious and ask her first before they do that.
So they did just that. When mom came to she was asked if stopping her
meds was what she wanted and if she knew what that would mean and she
said "No I'll die".
About two weeks later mom left that hospice alive and has been living
with my sister since, a year has passed since then, we are grateful to
have insisted she be asked that question and that she came back
stronger than ever. Why we will never know.......

My sister (not the one mom lives with) was diagnosed HIV positive in
the late 80's. She had been dating a guy who was an IV drug user. She
apparently contracted the virus from him. He died about a year ago. My
sister has lived a good twenty years even though she had turned to
many different drugs such as heroin, cocaine, and the last one smoking
crack, she's nearly killed herself .Over the past 3 years I have been
trying to help her stop the drugs, about 6 months ago I finally
convinced her to go into rehab. She has been clean now for a good four
months. Her aids medication has stopped working , her viral load is
high and she is currently in the hospital, recently released from ICU,
her pnuemonia is clearing up. Her infectious disease doc has told us
she has a bacterial infection in her lungs that only aids people get.
This bacteria is known to attack the kidneys and liver and other
organs. Sis is getting stronger by the day, it looks like she will be
coming home again.This is the second bout of pnuemonia and
hospitalization in 30 days. Her heart is enlarged, she suffers from
shortness of breath that the docs say is from her heart condition. We
went through social services and set her up in an apartment because
she nor I want her to die in my house with my grandchildren. When she
is released from the hospital , I will go and stay with her in her
apartment and care for her there. She wants to be home when the time
comes. She asked me to see to it she does not suffer in death. I
promised her I would take care of her. I found myself beggining to
lose my strength this last hospital admittance, I was sure she wasn't
gonna make it. I have been being treated for depression and anxiety on
and off since my 20's, I'm 47 now and again I am watching helplessly
as my younger sister suffers. I don't know what else to do for her
than care for her until the time comes that I must say goodbye to her
as well. All the devastating memories of dads struggle, Gayles
struggle, moms struggle have come back to haunt my sleep. I had my
medication increased and I am beginning to sleep a little better. I'm
trying to connect with some people that may also be caretaking for a
loved one that is dying. My oldest daughter has been in from
California caretaking for her paternal grandmother who is currently
going though chemotherapy for a cancerous brain tumor. I am trying to
help her with her emotions as well. I am proud of her for taking on
this responsibility, but I know she is suffering. I feel torn between
supporting my daughter and taking care of my sister. I am feeling I am
failing my daughter because I am so busy with my sister. I guess thats
about it , thanks for listening.......

Bev

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