Re: To amanda

On Aug 10, 6:12 am, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
wrote:
> I hope you won,t mind my changing the topic line here: simply, I did not
> want your post to be lost in a thread of replies to the other topic
> your post was posted under.
> See below...

No, not at all. I thought about starting a new thread and mentioning
her to see that thread but didn't think of this idea:) .

>
>  amandaF (amanda...@gmail.com) writes:
> > Hi Chloe,   I want to see whether I can get some guidance on how to go
> > about healing some hurts (though I have completely accepted the facts)
> > I have accepted  that I think kind of hold me back in some ways in
> > life  I mean..instead of "why?", I want to be able to just view it
and
> > shrug it off like I would if I beak a plate or bowl _ I did break two
> > this week:) .
>
> You could always try to break a bowl voluntarily, first telling yourself
> that you put in that bowl all the past things you no longer want to give
> importance, nor waste time or energy on in your life.

Hey that' s  a great idea.  No, an EXELLENT idea.

>From there, you'd
> have to *decide* that whenever they come back, brought on by events or
> third parties making them resurge, that YOU do not want to give it
> importance, energy nor time, nor feed it with words.

I have been pretty good at not giving any importance (anymore) to
anything they say. In fact, oldest sister has not said much after I
*successfully* cut ties with her late last year when she tried to suck
me back in.

>
> Nasty things dragging us down from the apst are a bit liek trolls: if you
> feed them, they live off you and come back for more. If given attention,
> they want more attentionm, etc.

Yeah, you are abolsutely right.  My problem is that my nature of
believing that siblings should not be so estranged like strangers
would seep back in my mind and I'd start thinking what I should do to
fix it. But unlike in the past, I'd immediately come to my sense
before I try doing anything.


>
> So see those things you do not want to waste your time on as trolls.
> Expect the will come back at irst, not knowing of the decision you took t
o
> no longer''feed them''.
>
> Not feeding them mans that each time thoughts about those events or
> situatiosn or emotions that belong to the past arise, you DCIDE to not
> give them importance by willfully, voluntarily, decidedly forcing your
> mnind onto other things, things that you DO want to spend time and energy
> on. Then refocuss on those.
>
> In there is all the trick about the difference between action or
> RE-action, where in the very word 'reaction' (re-action) is ths
> meaning of 'acting the past in the present'. That the past be from a
> second ago (someone pressing our buttons, like a troll in our life) or
> decades ago (the same someone or someone else's doing/trolling of years
> ago).
>
> Do not feed the thoughts and emotions that real life trolls throw at you.
I should remember these constantly.

> Do not allow your own thoughts and emotions to give them that importance 
in
> YOUR life. Decide so.

Definitely.  I did just that in less than two weeks ago when my twin
sister, after still taking my help of getting the right accesories for
her laptop to do google talk - she never stopped taking though I
didn't give her the same amount I used to; I helped her purchase a
lptop last December, helped her with her final take home exam in
accounting, guided her when she got lost and ended up in the next town
on an isolated road  in the dark with heavy rain as she came back
formdropping her final exam paper, getting panicked - threw words at
me to make it sound like I was being unreasable in asking her to keep
my washer and dryer in case I team up wih someone to rent a house or
if I rent an paratment that only has stackbale washer/dryer (and I
cannot switch with my washer/dryer). .  She would not give me the
satisfaction to have peace of mind (as she never has) while continued
to ask me this and that. Within two days, she called me and brazenly
asked "how to find the software need to do goodl talk - phone talk -
on the internet).  It dawned one me finally, that to justify her
selfishness toward me, she used those words to justify her actions of
dismissing my needs that any half way decent sibling would do in
reutrn of what she takes from me. As much as I wnated to guide her
what to download, I knew that I needed to put an end to this blatant
abuse of taking my help and then kicking my chest, the same patetrn
she used to do.

> And decide that you will remind yourself so each time you cattch yourself
> reacting and will immediately change your emoptions and thoughts back to
> where they were before something pressed your buttons.

Yes, I am reminding right now,  by repeating them:
Do not feed the thoughts and emotions that real life trolls throw at
you.
Do not allow your own thoughts and emotions to give them that
importance in YOUR life. Decide so.

>
> Trying to understand 'what' is easier to do once we try and understand
> without our emotions being all in a knot.
Yeah, I need to learn to do what is easier for me than givign weight
to what I think how things should be even when it costs me big time.
At leats, I am way much better than I used to be.
>
> It is a bit like reprogramming a part of ourself. Our parents and family
> wrote us a program to help us grow up as kids. Once we become adult, it i
s
> for each one of us to program our own self as we see fit and best for us
> towards ourtr own happiness, and to rid of the programs they offered us
> but not longer fit our life situation(s).

Excatly. I came up with the same analysis and conlcusion and but
hearing it, really helps.

> Of course, we can keep the
> ''rogramming'' they gave us that still helps us. But we need to deal with
> the programming of childhood as a whole too, not just the oens our parent
s
> gave us, but that our childhood experiences gave us, through third partie
s
> and through events, too.

I am confident that I have successfully gotten rid of any trace of
seeing my oldest sister as an oldest sister (to me) the way I was
brought up (and programmed) to see.   I was going through a tough time
with re-programming that part and so  I wrote down that she and I just
happened to be in close proximity in the evolutionary chain of homo
sapiens and sent it to her in the email.  I knew that it would not
hurt her feeling; it's been a long time she had any love for me as a
sister.

> It is not so complicated as it may sound. Jus think of the pain, anguish,
> negative energy and emotions that you are made to live when trolls are fe
d...

Yeah...

> Think here of the troll as thoughts and patterns and programming in your
> own mind and ways too, since the past programming handed down to you of
> course traced your lifeline so far, a lifeline that crossed paths with
> others' lifelines as well (interactions through the years being affected 
by
> it). From here on, you need  to draw a line to make the programming you d
o not wish anymore to stop.

Yup.

>
> It will NOT stop the priogramming of others. And those others will go on
> with their own programming until the day THEY chose to cleanse themself,

Right.

> if they ever even do think of it or wish to. Perhaps that programming
> works fine for them after all! It is their choice to keep it, change it,
> look at it or not.

True.

> All we can do is chose for our own self what life quality we want, what
> quality means for us, what happiness means to us and for us, and decide
> from there what we want to do in line with our own needs.

Yup.  That's all I want. I don't want to sweat about things I wanted
heppen and didn't happen. I just want to try as much as I can and be
content with what I can do, always remembering that health is the most
important thing.

>
> If we can not change ohers nor decide for them, it does remain that
> interactions change when one of the two parties their ways.

Yes, I have parted my oldest sister and she seemed to have finally
accepted that, of course only after acting with vengeance (bigger than
she ever performed and in the process, making the mistake of putting
them in the email giving me evidence how she has been misusing her MS
status to slander me). I am not sure whether she still hold hopes that
I would be around to pick up the pieces if there ever is another
crisis. I am trying to train myself not to make that mistake.  No
nephew or neipce of mine is around and all of them are adults and I
need to not kill myself anymore for me is what I am telling myself.
>
> Eg: trolsl can troll all they want: if one does not feed them, they will
> go on trolling anyway. But just not in our netlife. The same applies in
> Real Life. They will go on trolling. They wil stick to their programming,
> and again, it is NOT IMPORTANT to us. It might eb for them, and so be it.
> But if we do not find trolling important to us in Real Life, wethen can
> opt OUT of it.

Yeah..
>
> See how trolls invade this ng?
> See how the same names through the eyars will feed them? See hwo those wh
o
> do not bite the bait and stear clear g on doing thei thing, and not being
> dragged in those threads? See how from then on they exchange on other
> topics and things? See how yet trolls remain trolling around tem?
>
> Same thing applies in life.
> In life, sometime,s we can not completely avoid trolls. They might be
> co-workers, or even your boss. They might be the cashier at lunch time or
> coffee break. They troll everywhere, life on the net. *Because they are
> fed*, simply.
>
> Trolls live off other people' reactions. They need fed. Therefore they
> become experts in obtaining the reaction they want, and already know by
> heart, by the very programming they kept feeding in themself, what they
> will do and say folowing your reaction before you even have it.
> Not reacting is yet not quite enough. Not re-cting IS a reaction too, see
....
> Going on in your action mode is the way....
>
> Finding the difference between the two (no reaction and action) is the ke
y.
>
> Action simply is about yourself and your choices: it is taking action whe
n
> you catch yourself reacting or ideally BEFORE you react, to brign yorusel
f
> back to where you were at before the buttons were pressed, and learning t
o
> tem immediaely let go of all the thought and emotions your own reaction
> inspired.
>
> Reacting is giving people your own self empowerment. It is like
> surrendering, hands and feet tied.
> So many think tha silence or not reacting IS surrendering....Pride usuall
y
> is at play, or simply, hurt. If they would be able to look back without
> re-looping themselves into the old programming, they woudl see that
> reaction was what got their pride and self worth hurt to start with....
>
> Of coruse there are thigs you will wantto react to, that are in line with
> where you want to go, what you want in your life.
>
> My answering your post for instance IS in reaction to your posting this.
>
> But in my action mode, I changed the tiopc line to not make this be a
> thread where rlls might be attracted. Wont stop them from trolling if the
y
> want....But from there, I toook action by a choice I mad to stear clear a
s
> I can from what I do not want to give importance and time and energy to i
n my
> life.
>
> Another example woudl be if you woudl reac by talking and dwelling then
> not what you no loner want in your life: I would then not answer it to no
t
> feed it dsome more, see? Because I woudl know you told me you do want to
> cut the ties with that dragging past....I would then refuse to feed it in
> your present.

>
> Be ready to forgive yourself if you trip and do fall back into the old
> programming.

Thanks for that.   I have been doign really well and then these pst
couple of weeks, was falling backa  little but not enough to cause
much damage to myself.

>But be ready as well to re-afffirm your decision, and to get
> up agan after you trip: if a programming was left untcleansed for decades
,
> it is normal that it can take a few tiems to get the hang of the new 'not
> even yet installed and bug proofedÔÔ programming you chose for yourse
lf'.
>
> If you still feel like you woudl need to dwell over those past thiings to
> try and analyse them, then I suggest you fix a schedule ofsay three hours
> once a week, at a fixed date and time that will nto change. If you are
> busy with other things a that time and day of the week, it will have to
> wait for the week after.

Great idea.

>
> This making it a scheule of only once a week, when YOU decide, since you
> deicide when that time and those hours will be (but only once a week, and
> no matter if 30 mins, or 3 hours once a week, those must be in a row, not
> in two sessions of 15 minutes or three of an hour each, see?)

Yup..

> --this making it a once a week schedule makes it so that you will not
> enter the reflection mode at a moment of REACTION but at a moment of
> action where youc an better make it so that old programmings do not
> intervene as much in the cleansing process or the understanding process.
>
> Hope this helps and answers your question....

Definitely.  Thansk a lot Chloe.
>
> Be well and chose to be happy,

Yup, that's my goal. After all this time in this new state, I now
start to feel like I can be happy while endruing whatever hardship
life may bring.

>and chose who is in charge of your
> happiness as being your own self, and do not surrender THAT to moment sof
> buttons pressed by real life trolls.

Yup..I will not let my experience of having the kind of oldest sister
I have prevent me from pursuign activities that would make me feel
happy by being content that I have no sibling in this country that  Ii
can turn to even for emergency.  I have stopped putting any family
members name as emergency contact in any form I fill.

> Because those mments are what form
> your life, and youw ant your life free of that nasty thing, if I read you
> well....

That's exactly what I want. I want my life free from nasty things that
comes from what I experienced with so cakled sisters, especially
oldest sister. I told myself that the fact that my understanding that
she is unbalanced and issues doesn't require me to put up with her
abuse, some of which clearly are a result of just her being evil
toward me.


> C
[ Auf dieses Posting antworten ]