Re: Just said goodbye to my american friend

Glad you coudl smile reading my reply: the initial one was better and when
I reread the second one, with all the typos making it hard evenb for
me to re-read msyelf, I could not help but find that the scond
attempt never gets the spontaneous side out as well, of course, and
that the hmour and tiongue in cheek sort of light humour to try and
make you smile did not sdeem to be there much in the second reply
attempt.


One good thing going for you is that Texans ARE passionate too. People who
do know wha getting angry is and what gettign over it out of love also is.
I used to happen to end up penpalling with Texans often, in the past.
The oen that was ot a romantic tie, Tom, remained a friend, the others,
who were also not romantic attachments, mind you, I lost touch wiht. Oh,
true, there is one I got in touch with again through facebook....
But it was sort of just a sallutation and not followed by anything.
Liek friendly acquaintances who send each other a xmas card, save that we
do not send each other cards. Mpft. Poor analogy then I guess.


But anyway. Me thinks your friend happenign to be a Texan *female*, (they
are more passionate than male texans, me thinks....) you might worry too much,
and might find that she is upset at her own self
too...Yet maybe without sayings it somewhat flatters her that you had a jalous
reaction.;-) Of course, depends on how it all went and all that was said...
And on if both care for the other as much as is said of believed.
Not insinuating it is not so, not at all, just saying that on the net,
there at times are totally unexpected sides and surprises, too.
We inject a lot into the words we read, and so does the other where it can
build a wall of tis own after a time, in some cases, for instance. I woudl
not want anyone wh would happen to read this to think that things always
will go well if two love each other and yadee yada....Poeple remain that:
people and human beings....


If it can be of any encouragement: the fit I had yesterday with the health
care commissionaire seems to have yielded results. She called me back
today. Not talking abot putting my card at the year of birth it shoudl be
with all the birth certificates they have, but asking if I woudl mind
havignthe same card, the year unchanged. I saiod that not at all, **so
long as this time a note, un-erasable and un-losable and an-unaccesible
would be permanently put in the file explaining the diofference in years
and which is the real year of birth, so that when I retire, if I ever do,
it will not be a mess again! Sye *laughed* and said that she woudl solve
it and take care of it. She soundd happy to have found a way or at least
think fo a way, and said she woudl call me back as soon as she had a
definite answer for me.

When I as kind, she just did not hear me. When I demanded to be HEARD
wihtout interruption, and that action be taken, what do you know....

Soemtimes it makes me sigh how one has to at times get angry for anything
to be done properly. She sounded so happy about soemthign that I think she
is trying soemthign else, and just needed my okay on the forst arrangemets
with the card sayaing with the same numbers and year on it, just the fiel
changed at their end. (This was all fdone at long last after years of
trying and fighting for it, and suddenlyw as all lost or erased or
unaccessible again:(..)

Who knows...Maybe a miracle and maybe she will have gone out of her way to
find a dr for me?? Been on a waiting list since 99 for crying ot loud,
with a condition that is really giving me a hard time these last months...
(Graves disease and all it affect, including the gland now claming down
too much at times and underworking (thyroid), and other times my being
super hyper lie today,.

Ths was one very varey hard week. I also got upset at people at work for
still using dishliquid and brought each their bottle stating ÔI am
allergic to that!!!Ô with an anamuzed face. One seemed to hold a bigger
grudge, but after I talked to her and saw so, I decided that too bad, I
did try nice for 6.5 years and had no result, therefore they did not
udnerstand nice and caring, and at least I had a chance at being heard if
tey understoodfrowning eyeborwas and a shut face batter:).

By the end of the day, the two that were seeming upset were smilign again.
They never were friendly to me anyway, before, so....

So after I had one rotten evenign and night, and one rotten week
altogether, choiing like mad with all the perfume, citrus and even oranges
they ate in my face thiss week, I was glad the week was over, and glad
that hey, the world did not fall apart because I told them without the
usual smile, since they seem to get confused if asked nivcely. Wghen told
flatly, on a seriously annoyed tone, seems to get through better.

I always tend to distanciate from people that react this way though, being
nicer to me after I had to tell them with an upset face and serious voice
tone. It is as if theyc an not do good of their own and need told to stop
doing bad with stamping feet so they get that the lady is not amuzed one bit.
Who knows. Maybe they smiled because they filed a grievance, but what can
I say. It is a life or death matter by now for me, tryign to breath in that
allergic environment.

Ad when the day wazs younger and all were mean, I thougt of Limerent Oil
wh just lost his mom, and figured that hey.....My problems and sadness and
so on were nthing at all compared to that.....
It helps put thigns back into perspective....
And remember what matters in life.

Have youc alled this person you mentioned seing again at your moms funeral?
She coudl be a great friend to vent with, sicne she seems to be a good
therapist of sorts, a natural, as tey soemtiems all that....and since she
is odler than you....
Of course, a friend is not just there for exclusively venting, but seems
like you both got along fine already as friends....

Here,s to a nice reconciliation of passion with Jennifer!! (Crossing my
fingers!:))

C






Ethan39 (qwe123546789@yahoo.co.uk) writes:
> Well, this time I really screwed it up, I think. This was the second
> time in a year I did that to her.
>
> BUt I feel ashamed I didn't read her words well...I thought she was
> being very mean to me while she knows alot about my life. Well, once i
> felt hurt about her remark, I couldn't stop myself. I exploded, and now
> I feel sorry.
>
> She replied in her email I had to stop making up reasons to think of her
> as a bad person.
>
> Chloe you're right, I was very passionate about her, and even wanted to
> visit her over there. NMyabe I never got over it, that it's not gonna be
> at all. That just sucks, because she's adorable. :)
>
> Maybe I just feel bad about myself when I compair myself to her, and
> thinking I'm just not worthy, as you say. It hasn't happened only with
> her, with another woman too, years ago.
>
> I have to correct you, btw, I'm not English, but Dutch. I have an
> english friend on IRC, and he had an experience with a woman from
> Washington, whom he visited. But, we cna't say all american women are
> evil ofcourse :)
>
> Oh well, I can't stand it she likes her ex better than me. It's simple
> and I hate it.
>
> OMg, I don't know how I can possibly repair things now.
>
> It's true what you said, whenever she woke up in the morning she was
> thinking about me...that was months ago, dunno about now. But she really
> liked me, I was her favourite IRC man. We exchanged pictures etc.
>
> OK, I don't know what to say to her, maybe I'll tell her in an email I
> was behaving like a total idiot. Maybe that helps.
>
> Thanks for reading, I was very ashamed about my post here. I didn't even
> want to see if someone responded, but I did. And I smiled when reading
> your post.
>
>
>
>
> bc461@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin) wrote in
> news:gf018b$h04$1@theodyn.ncf.ca:
>
>>
>>
>> This here Canadian woman -btw, might be born in Chicago:)) thinks that
>> like I happened to do maybe threee times in my life, you happeend to
>> blow the lid with the oen you cared  for the most. I.e. not with a
>> friend, but a Ômore than just friend', a hope-for-a-loveship if not
>> an e-ship already.
>>
>>
>> We tend to do that don,t we...
>> When we are down and ot, we of course can not ait to talk to the
>> person that we usually feel all fine with, or feel better with...
>> If the outside woprld makes life be ough, we run to our dearest one
>> and expect that they will make us feel all fine and all will be fien
>> again. We feel we can tell them what annoyed s, etc, because exactly.
>> Surely they will make us feel etetr...We then do not tend to tel just
>> a ÔfriendÔ but our cloests dearest special one....
>>
>> And in that we exactly hurt the very loveship because simpl, a friend
>> doe snot have feelings and emotions so entertwined with ours: they an
>> have more distanciation and nt feel irrevocably hurt or wounded by our
>> feeling bad,sad,hurt,upset. They do not suddenly wonder what happened
>> to the usual lving ways, and they do not think that they are no longer
>> loved, respected, etc.
>>
>> Of coruse we want our loed one to be our friend!!And yet...We woudl
>> hate for them to say Ôthen let,s just be friends...' and woudl feel
>> that is so selfish of them, when our very actions did treat them like
>> a simple friend, if it was with the greatest hope and trust in them we
>> approcach them with what hurt us in the outside world that day....
>>
>> Odds are that in a loveship, BOTH will one day have a bad moment and
>> both willbe hoping on the other to make them feel better. Eg: here,
>> she hoped you woudl make her feel better because she worled all week
>> and think you are refreshing or coudl be making her feel all better,
>> woudl not mind hearing about her hard week of work, sicne you woudl be
>> more refreshed from not working this week....
>> And on your side, you hope that she can understand your frstration
>> with not working, and yet hear her throw at you Ôbut I worked all
>> week!!Ô and hear in that an accusation that you woudl not, or feel
>> hurt thinking she might be saying or thinking that....And that way
>> both hurt. Not just for that. But even if only oen feels bad, venting
>> with the lved one makes it so that WE hurt our ouwn self in daggi8ng
>> that love down to painful things....
>>
>> Fiendship is quite mportant and not valued enough for all it means...
>> A friend might be a better ÔplaceÔ to vent and talk about that...
>> Of course, oen wants no secret with the other, to be real close and
>> opned, but that can be done once the steam is gone, vented, and ocne
>> we can hear the ther better and be up to making them feel fine again
>> too.... Else BOTH are soon shutign mememem and alling the other
>> selfish, cause both are in a way.....Both **expecting* the other to
>> behave differently and havign a fit when the other is suddenly not
>> actign as they want or wish they would....Eahc having their load of
>> the day and week on their shoulders...
>>
>> If you are anything like me, you now must regret those words you said
>> ort will in a while....
>> Because they do nto represent what you beleve. However, such words
>> show that you hold things againt her or raher will make her think that
>> you do and wodner a next time if a next time is possible at all of
>> course.... aND LATER, WHEN SHE DOUBTS AND REMEMEBRS AND HURTS STILL
>> ABOTU IT, FORGVES BT HURTS STILL UDNER, AND WEN A NEXT OCCASION OF
>> BEIGN UPSET OCCURS, SHE WILL (sorry fr caps,. acccidentally hit the
>> key and donlt wanna retype all this, already lost the intial reply
>> that was well typed nd all:)), --and she will then ask abotu that in
>> that next upsetness moment, and will be thought as as ngging and
>> henpcking.....And will feel liek she woud be henecking or felt that
>> way,perceived that way, hcih wouladd to the third time this woudl
>> happen, etc, etc.
>>
>> And  yet we are taught by society to do that with our loved ones.
>> In thatlosing the ones we love the most, and then going to dry on the
>> friend's shulder, rather than venting with a good friend and then
>> gpoing to cry on the loved on,s shoudler or go see them once emotions
>> are smoother and tell them waht happened while still beign able to
>> hear how their day went.
>>
>> Odds are your friend had a hard oen this week too....
>> Wishes she was home to IRC with you more often, dreamt of it and could
>> not and felt frustrated about it....
>> And it came out as ' But I work allw eek!!'' which yu took as a crack
>> at you....
>>
>> oth wanted the loved one t make them feel better and both shouted
>> their frstration of not being heard tat the other, with n oen hearing
>> the other at all anymore. Like a build up transpodsed in a loveship
>> from the outside....
>>
>> In my case, was not Texan. Was UK, Georgia, Florida too once....:).
>> In these three instances, the only three onlne where I ever blew up,
>> ovlaoded, trusting the one that was the dearest one at the time to
>> understand and make it all better, in each of those sperate tiems in
>> my life, I lost the closeness of the friednship and e-ship, and each
>> time saw it from there die and go its seperate way....
>>
>> Cant say it would not happen again: blowing up is blowing up and when
>> we do, we do not look at who hat where when anymore...
>> And when we feel we are not heard, we do send thse silly emails to
>> tell the other how mean they are, and make them fat with our
>> frustyration, forgetting the other's and how that will not just read
>> but FEEL to them, but more than that: to our own self once the e-ship
>> is wounded...
>>
>>
>> I hope for you that you feel romantic and maybe have set yourself up
>> for a hard steep hil to climb to prove your worthiness to her or
>> soething, cause then you woudl have acted to exactly find your hill
>> all right....
>>
>>
>> Yoru writing her first name, and about he private detals also is
>> soemthign she migth resent fr being very hurt by it.....
>>
>> You mentioned never having said much about it to her, and yet explode
>> about it ater.....Prhaps there is soemthgn to elarn there about
>> talking about things as they happen rather than wait at the worst
>> moment of frustration to throw it as a huge chunk sinking your love
>> down....
>>
>> Adnif you are even more like me, after a while, maybe you will realize
>> you never were angry per se, as much as you thre a tantrum and rage
>> fit: you were HURTING and overflowed with pain, drawning the other
>> with it.
>>
>>
>> A saying in French goes Ôwhen one wants to drown their dog, they
>> accuse it f having rabbies'. Meaning here that when we feel PAIN, we
>> tend to tag it on the other in a moment of what we think is anger or
>> temper....whiel it is just hurt and sadness we really feel deep
>> down....
>>
>> This has nothign to d with ehr being American or not. This has to do
>> with being a human being. Your on self and her alike.
>>
>>  And yeah, Canadians too, silly!!!
>>
>> Just never Quebecers;-) ;-);-)
>>
>> Hot blooded peope are passionate people and passion comes with the
>> rest of the emotions. Quebcers donlt even need be in love to blow a
>> fuse:):) Or the same, to be kind. Or both at once:):).
>>
>> Me thinks you are passionate about this woman and sadly did let your
>> emotions go overboard: all emtions are like a loaf of bread: cannot
>> slice one emotion without cutting the bread....without touching the
>> bread. I.e. if one emotion comes out, the rest come with it.
>> All that is of the same intensity comes out with it. And anger is as
>> powerful as passion.
>>
>>
>> Only, if some smart wmen know this, smarter women know to not allow
>> him to try that again. Because namecalling, stabbing, public trashing
>> and all that can definitely end up fdammaging beyond repair if one
>> allows the oter to go on this way.
>>
>>
>> Just thank God hat UK men are not this way;-);-);-):)
>>
>> Hope I made you smile a bit to help youforgive yourself, and maybe,
>> who knows, somehow maybe help.....
>>
>> P.S.: the reason I can write this is because I vented (ahem) on a
>> complaint commissionnaire at health are and truely got so so angry
>> that I got home with my tummy ACHING from all that anger I yet still
>> kept inside to not somehw destroy her with words on the phone,if I yet
>> did tell what I thought of the service.
>> YetI am still upset and angry inside and woudl you or anyne call me
>> whatever right now, they woudlrisk the surprise of their lifetime. I
>> do not get angry often, but the few who saw me angry coudl tell all he
>> others about hw they better not try it ever. Or as a penpal once put
>> it to another he saw gt me upset, while he himnself had lved the
>> experience shortly before  and was just barely getting over it:
>> -Whatever you do, do NOT upset Chloe!! But if you did, know this. Her
>> anger is powerful and you woudlw ant to hide under a rock and never
>> come out! You wodner what tornado swpt the world from under your feet.
>> But -did he add- I woudl ratehr that any day than my ex wife who woudl
>> give me this look, then when asked what was wrong woudl say 'Nothing',
>> with a  certain face that emant she woudl be henpecking me again for
>> endless days and years about whatever 'nothing' there was.
>> He then offered the dude *his deepestcondoleances*:):), and told him
>> he woudl be fine, and that things were already fine, if only he woudl
>> notice:).
>>
>> Mpft:).
>>
>> Yeah...Must be my American blood (not!!:))
>>
>> Before you blew up, it was female names they gave tornados....;-);-)
>>
>>
>> Now you take that bad wish back, ya hear?
>> And don,t fuss with me: I ...worked all week ;-):):)
>>
>> (Ducks:))
>>
>>
>> Best wishes for a prompt reconciliation with that special special
>> Jennifer who inspires you so much passion. Takes soemoen special to
>> make a Brit have passion LOL:) Perhaps a Texan woman can achieve
>> that:) Now watch her make you run for it, and give you he occasion to
>> prove yourself worthy again, so you cvan in ime forgve your owns elf,
>> too!:) Ma,what a hill you created yourself , to climb ahead. Guess you
>> anted unconsciously to prove yourself to her that much, huh?;-)
>>
>>
>> Ducking out of here now:)
>>
>>
>> -Chloe
>>
[ Auf dieses Posting antworten ]