The United States hasn't bombed any white people since Dresden; it's time for a change

Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf
by GEORGE CARLIN

*History Lesson

I'd like to talk a little about that 'war' we had in the
Persian Gulf.

Remember that? The big war in the Persian Gulf? Lemme tell
you what was goin' on.

Naturally, you can forget all that entertaining fiction
about having to defend the model democracy those lucky
Kuwaitis get to live under. And for the moment you can also
put aside the very real, periodic need Americans have for
testing their new weapons on human flesh. And also, just for
the fun of it, let's ignore George Bush Sr.'s obligation to
protect the oil interests of his family and friends.

There was another, much more important, consideration at
work. Here's what really happened.

*Dropping a Load for Uncle Sam.

The simple fact is that America was long overdue to drop
high explosives on helpless civilians; people who have no
argument with us whatsoever. After all, it had been awhile,
and the hunger gnaws. Remember that's our specialty: picking
on countries that have marginally effective air forces.

Yugoslavia is another, more recent example.

*Surfing Unnecessary

But all that aside, let me tell you what I liked about that
Gulf War: it was the first war that appeared on every
television channel, including cable.

And even though the TV show consisted largely of Pentagon
war criminals displaying maps and charts, it got very good
ratings. And that makes sense, because we like war. We're a
warlike people. We can't stand not to be fucking with
someone. We couldn't wait for the Cold War to end so we
could climb into the big Arab sandbox and play with our nice
new toys. We enjoy war.

And one reason we enjoy it is that we're good at it. You
know why we're good at it? Because we get alot of practice.
This country is only 200 years old, and already we've had
ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty years,
So we're good at it!

And it's just as well we are, because we're not very good at
anything else. Can't build a decent car anymore. Can't make
a TV set, a cell phone, or a VCR. Got no steel industry
left. No textiles. Can't educate our young people. Can't get
health care to our old people. But we can bomb the shit
outta your country, all right. We can bomb the shit outta
your country!

*If You're Brown, You're Goin Down

Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we
like that, don't we? That's our hobby now. But it's also our
new job in the world: bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama,
Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in your country?
Tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll goddamn bomb them!

Well, who were the last white people you can remember that
we bombed? In fact, can you remember any white people we
ever bombed? The Germans!

That's it! Those are the only ones. And that was only
because they were tryin' to cut in on our action. They
wanted to dominate the world.

Bullshit! That's our job. That's our fuckin' job.

But the Germans are ancient history. These days, we only
bomb brown people. And not because they're cutting in our
action; we do it because they're brown. Even those Serbs we
bombed in Yugoslavia aren't really white, are they? Naaah!
They're sort of down near the swarthy end of the white
spectrum. Just brown enough to bomb. I'm still waiting for
the day we bomb the English. People who really deserve it.

*A Disobedient American

Now you folks might've noticed, I don't feel about that Gulf
War the way we were instructed to feel about it by the
United States government. My mind doesn't work that way. You
see, I've got this real moron thing I do, it's called
'Thinking.' And I guess I'm not a very good American,
because I like to form my own opinions; I don't just roll
over when I'm told. Most Americans roll over on command. Not
me, I observe some preliminary rules. Believe You Me

My first rule: I never believe what any authority says. None
of them. Government, police, clergy, the corporate
criminals. None of them. And neither do I believe anything
I'm told by the media, who, in the case of the Gulf War,
functioned as little more than unpaid employees of the
Defense Department, and who, most of the time, operate as an
unofficial public relations agency for the government and
industry. I don't believe any of them. And I have to tell
you, folks, I don't really believe very much in my country
either. I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and
American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to
the symbol-minded.

*Show us your Dick

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I
see it largely as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really
all it is: a lot of men standing around in a field waving
their dicks at one another. Men, insecure about the size of
their penises, choose to kill one another.

That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all
about, and what that macho, male posturing and strutting
around in bars and locker rooms represents. It's called
'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks are
inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel
better about themselves. And since war is the ultimate
competition, essentially men are killing one another in
order to improve their genital self-esteem.

You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see
the Bigger Dick Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like
this: 'What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!' And of
course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets are all
shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an unconscious
need to project the national penis into the affairs of
others. It's called 'fucking with people'

*Show us your Bush

So as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian
Gulf was nothing more than one big dick-waving cockfight.

In this particular case, Saddam Hussein questioned the size
of George Bush's dick. And George Bush had been called a
wimp for so long, he apparently felt the need to act out his
manhood fantasies by sending America's white children to
kill other people's brown children.

Clearly the worst kind of wimp.

Even his name, 'Bush', as slang, is related to the genitals
without being the genitals.

A bush is sort of a passive, secondary sex characteristic.
It's even used as a slang term for women: 'Hey, pal, how's
the bush in this area?'

I can't help thinking, if this president's name had been
George Boner...well, he might have felt a little better
about himself, and he wouldn't have had to kill all those
children. Too bad he couldn't locate his manhood.

*Premature Extraction

Actually, when you think about it, this country has had a
manhood problem for some time. You can tell the language we
use; language always gives us away. What did we do wrong in
Vietnam? We 'pulled out'! Not a very manly thing to do. No.
When you're fucking people, you're supposed to stay with it
and fuck them good; fuck them to death; hang in there and
keep fucking them until they're all fucking dead.

But in Vietnam what happened was by accident we left a few
women and children alive, and we haven't felt good about
ourselves since.

That's why, in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say,
'This will not be another Vietnam.' He actually said, 'this
time we're going all the way.'

Imagine. An American president using the sexual slang of a
thirteen-year-old to describe his foreign policy.

And, of course, when it got right down to it, he didn't 'go
all the way.' Faced with going into Baghdad he punked out.
No balls. Just Bush.

Instead, he applied sanctions, so he'd be sure that an extra
half a million brown children would die. And so his oil
buddies could continue to fill their pockets.

If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just
remember the first names of the two men who ran that war:
Dick Cheney and Colin Powell.

Dick and Colon.

Someone got fucked in the ass.

And those brown people better make sure they keep their
pants on, because Dick and Colin have come back for an
encore.
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Antworten

Horatio F (04.11.2008 02:57)